How to Respond to a Dementia Patient Who Wants to Go Home

If you’ve ever spent time with a dementia patient who suddenly says, “I want to go home,” you know how heartbreaking that moment can feel. Whether you’re a family caregiver, a hospice volunteer, or a member of the staff in a long-term care setting, hearing those words can stir up feelings of helplessness and sadness.

But there is a kind and effective way to respond. This behavior is very common among people living with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. Understanding why they say it and how to gently meet the underlying need can help you bring calm and comfort instead of confusion or distress.

Let’s take a deeper look at what “going home” really means, why it happens at different stages of the disease, and the best ways caregivers and volunteers can respond with empathy and grace.

What “Home” Really Means in Dementia Care

The term home doesn’t always refer to a physical place. For many older adults with memory loss, home represents a feeling: safety, familiarity, and belonging.

A dementia patient might be sitting in their own home of 40 years and still say, “I want to go home.” To them, home may be:

Their childhood home where they once felt safe and cared for
A place of comfort such as a grandparent’s kitchen or a familiar neighborhood
A time of life when they were independent, healthy, and in control

When memory fades, the brain often returns to earlier memories stored in the distant past. Those memories feel more real than the current situation, so the patient’s desire to “go home” can be the result of reliving those long-ago experiences.

Understanding this helps you respond with compassion instead of correction.

Why Do Dementia Patients Ask to Go Home?

There’s no single reason, but most requests fall into a few common categories.

1. Confusion About Time or Place

As dementia progresses, the patient’s sense of time can shift. They might believe they’re still young, working, or raising children – so their surroundings don’t make sense. Wanting to “go home” may mean they want to return to that earlier time.

2. Searching for Familiarity

Dementia-related behavior often surfaces when the environment feels strange. New homes, hospital rooms, or even changes in lighting or furniture can trigger anxiety. The request to go home can be an effort to find something familiar and comforting.

3. Unmet Physical or Emotional Needs

Sometimes “I want to go home” signals a basic need such as hunger, pain, fatigue, or the need for the bathroom. At other times it reflects emotional needs such as loneliness, fear, or boredom.

4. Time of Day Matters

This behavior can intensify in the late afternoon or evening (a pattern known as sundowning). As natural light fades, confusion and agitation often increase. Paying attention to times of the day helps you anticipate when reassurance is needed most.

5. Environmental Factors

Noise, clutter, strong odors, or unfamiliar people can all contribute to distress. A calm, positive environment with soft lighting and minimal distractions often reduces these moments.

The First Step: Take a Deep Breath

When a dementia patient insists on going home, your first reaction might be to correct them and say something like “But you are home!” or “You live here now!”.

Resist that urge.

It’s natural to want to fix the misunderstanding, but trying to reason rarely helps. In fact, it can make the patient feel scolded or even frightened. Instead, pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that their words come from confusion, not defiance.

Your calm presence is often the kindest thing you can offer.

The Best Way to Respond

Here’s a step-by-step approach that dementia caregivers, family members, and volunteers can use.

1. Validate Their Feelings

Start with empathy. Let them know you understand by saying something like:

“You miss your home. It must have been a really special place.” or “That sounds like a good idea. Home is such a comfortable place.”.

Validation tells the person they’ve been heard. You’re joining them in their emotional world rather than dragging them back to yours.

2. Avoid Arguing or Correcting

Trying to convince them they already are home or that their childhood home no longer exists can create distress. Instead, redirect gently.

If they say, “I want to go home,” you could say:

“Tell me about your home. What did it look like?” or “What’s your favorite room there?”.

These open questions shift the focus from leaving to remembering. They often spark positive memories that replace agitation with warmth.

3. Reflect Their Emotion

Pay attention to body language and facial expressions. Are they anxious, sad, or simply restless? Reflecting that emotion can help them feel understood:

“You seem worried right now. Would you like to sit with me for a bit?”

When emotions are acknowledged, they tend to soften.

4. Redirect Through Meaningful Activity

Once you’ve validated, gently redirect. Suggest a different activity that feels purposeful or familiar:

Looking through a photo album
Folding towels or sorting buttons (simple daily activities)
Listening to familiar songs (music therapy)
Offering a soothing blanket or warm drink

These distracting activities engage the senses and create a new focus while honoring the underlying need for comfort.

5. Use Visual Reassurance

If the patient often mentions a specific family home, keep a physical photo book or pictures on a digital frame nearby. You can say,

“Look, here’s your beautiful home. You planted those flowers, didn’t you?”

Visual reminders can satisfy their longing and gently help them let go of the idea of leaving.

6. Offer a “Safe Out”

Sometimes the desire to leave is so strong that only an action feels satisfying. In those cases, a brief, harmless compromise can help:

Offer a walk in the garden or down the hallway.

The original goal is to meet the feeling of wanting movement or change, not to debate the physical place.

7. Mind the Timing

If requests increase at specific times of the day, plan meaningful activities earlier to reduce restlessness. Ensure good lighting in late afternoon; use easy-to-read clocks and maintain routines that create predictability.

Consistency is calming for the dementia mind.

Understanding the Underlying Need

Every dementia-related behavior is a form of communication. When someone asks to go home, ask yourself:

Are they hungry, tired, or cold (a physical need)?
Are they lonely, bored, or anxious (an emotional state)?
Has something changed in their environmental factors, maybe new staff, noise, or visitors?

By identifying the underlying cause, you can address the real issue rather than the symptom.

For example:

Offering a snack or warm blanket might ease discomfort.
Turning off the television or dimming harsh lights might reduce sensory overload.
Sitting close and holding a hand can calm fear or isolation.

The most important thing is to meet the need beneath the words.

How Family Members and Volunteers Can Work Together

In hospice and memory-care settings, communication among family caregivers, care partners, and volunteers is essential.

Share notes about what comforts the patient such as music, phrases, routines.
Keep consistent daily activities and tone across different people.
Coordinate with a member of the staff if behavior changes or worsens.

When everyone approaches the situation with the same gentle strategy, the patient feels safer and the environment stays positive.

Creating a Positive Environment

A calm, positive environment can prevent many episodes of distress. Here are simple adjustments that help dementia patients feel more at ease:

Keep natural light during the day; reduce shadows in the evening.
Maintain a comfortable temperature and limit background noise.
Display familiar places or photos on the walls.
Encourage regular visits from family members and good friends.
Avoid overstimulation. One activity at a time works best.

These small environmental touches often do more good than long explanations.

When “Going Home” Becomes Persistent

Some patients return to this phrase many times a day, even after reassurance. That’s a sign the stage of dementia has progressed or that there’s an underlying need still unmet.

Consider the Context:

Has the patient recently moved to a new home or memory care facility?
Did a familiar caregiver take time off?
Are there new health problems or medication changes?
Any shift in routine can trigger anxiety. Return to familiar patterns as soon as possible.

Seek Extra Support

If family caregivers feel overwhelmed, you can reach out to:

The hospice social worker or clinical director
Local support groups or the local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association
The National Center on Caregiving or similar resources

They can provide coping strategies and connect you with respite care options.

Using Reminiscence and Sensory Techniques

1. Reminiscence Therapy

Invite them to talk about their childhood memories or favorite memories of a time gone by. These positive memories help ground them emotionally.

“Tell me about your mom’s cooking. What was your favorite meal?”
“Did you have pets when you were a kid?”

2. Music Therapy

Songs from the patient’s youth often awaken joy. Play familiar tunes softly and notice how their facial expression or body language changes.

3. Soothing Objects

A soothing blanket, soft stuffed animal, or textured scarf can offer tactile comfort and distraction.

4. Gentle Movement

Light stretching, hand massages, or a brief walk can redirect restless energy. Physical comfort supports mental calm.

What Not to Do

Even with the best intentions, some responses can make things harder.

Don’t say: “You are home.”. This can lead to arguments or confusion.

Don’t ignore their request. They’ll feel unheard, increasing anxiety.

Don’t overexplain the current situation. Logical reasoning rarely helps and can backfire.

Don’t dismiss their emotion as “a bad mood.” Every behavior has meaning: treat it as communication.

Instead, meet them where they are, emotionally and mentally.

Examples: Different Ways to Respond

Here are sample dialogues that volunteers and caregivers can adapt:

Scenario 1: At a Care Home

Patient: “I need to go home. My family will be waiting.”

Volunteer: “You have such a loving family. Tell me about them.” Look at photos together.

Volunteer: “Your daughter looks so much like you! She said she’ll visit soon.”

Scenario 2: At a Patient’s Own Home

Patient: “I should head home before it gets dark.”

Caregiver: “It’s getting cozy out there. Let’s have some tea first.”

(Play soft music, creating a place of comfort.)

Scenario 3: During Late Afternoon

Patient: “I want to go home.”

Volunteer: “Let’s take a little walk before dinner. I’d love to hear about your garden.”

This redirects to movement and different activity.

Each response validates, redirects, and restores calm, the gentle formula that works across different people and settings.

When the “Home” They Seek Is Spiritual

As dementia reaches the later stages, “going home” may take on a deeper meaning, a yearning for peace, rest, or reunion with loved ones who’ve passed.

In these sacred moments, responding gently might sound like:

“You’ll be home soon, and it’s going to be peaceful.”
“You are safe, and we’re right here with you.”

Hospice volunteers often find that spiritual language brings profound comfort when words and memories fade.

The Role of Volunteers in These Moments

Hospice volunteers are uniquely positioned to bridge the gap between medical care and emotional support. When working with Alzheimer’s patients or those with vascular dementia, you become a steady, calming presence.

Your compassion helps patients and family members alike feel supported, especially when family caregivers are navigating their own grief.

By learning how to respond to a dementia patient who wants to go home, you uphold the heart of hospice: comfort, dignity, and love.

Final Thoughts

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for every specific situation. The best option is always guided by empathy. Each person’s journey with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia is unique, shaped by their memories, history, and personality.

But one common denominator holds true: people with dementia respond to kindness, patience, and presence.

Next time you hear, “I want to go home,” remember that they’re really saying, “I want to feel safe.” Your gentle voice, calm body language, and open heart are the home they’re longing for.

Join Us in This Work

At Holly’s Haven, our volunteers make moments like these easier, not by changing a patient’s reality, but by bringing peace within it.

If you feel called to share compassion, comfort, and companionship with those living with dementia, we’d love to have you join our team.

Learn more about volunteering with us and help us create a world where every person feels at home, wherever they are.